Tuesday, July 6, 2010

No More Mondays PLEASE!!!

Yesterday, I got to work only to find out (by e-mail) that my Grampa had a heart attack. Add to that the ridiculous stress of Mondays where I work, combined with catching up the employee who was away last week, and the leaky-eyed-rag-doll I've been lately, and it was not a good start. I left work half way through the day to go visit my Grampa in the hospital. He is 2 and a half hours away. Got to the Hospital, went in to see him, and he looks like death. I mean, he looks as though he's got a few more days at best. His doctor says his prognosis is "10 hours to 10 years" which is completely useless as far as information goes. I visited with other family, and went back to the hospital later in the evening to let my Grampa know I'd be back in a couple of days to see him. He was heavily medicated, and in a very deep sleep at this point, so I kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him. Then I went home.

I may not get another chance at a goodbye.

While he was still lucid, though, before the morphine kicked in, he was the wise-cracking smart Alec he's always been. Said he had the heart attack "while frolicking with a lady on the mountainside." He's in good spirits. He seems to have accepted his fate with no fear, no regrets. My only hope is that he's not in pain for much longer. In the last 4 years, he's lost his youngest son (my dad), and his wife. I'm sure they're waiting for him on the other side, and I'm sure he knows that.

Facing my family, which lately only happens for Christmas, weddings and funerals, with all of my new health issues, was not easy. I had a couple of falls, and I gave EDS brochures to my cousins, and updates on my health. It felt selfish... Talking about me... Like I don't deserve their support with my Grampa in the hospital.

While I'm being selfish... The Clonazepam finally seems to be helping with the twitching. I find lately that it has been significantly reduced in frequency... But when it does happen it hurts more and more (I'm talking severe 9/10 pain levels by the time I get through the day). I'm also having more core stability issues, and I'm still falling A LOT. The Clonazepam-induced depression is not helping me cope with my Grampa's illness, or anything else for that matter. I don't think I can cope with much more. It's like the straw that broke the camels' back. I'm beyond that point, but the universe keeps piling it on. Like Friday... I went to clean my glasses, and they snapped in half, so I'm stuck wearing my contacts DURING ALLERGY SEASON until I can find the time and energy to go have my eyes tested, and pick out new frames, and argue with the sales staff until we reach a mutually beneficial arrangement...

On the up side... My roommate is finally back home, and she said she would cook chicken tacos for supper tonight. No more Pop Tarts and take-out for me!

2 more weeks until I can see if I can try a different medication, or (preferably) get sent for more tests. I need answers, I need solutions, and I need support.


Flexability is over rated, creativity is ingenious said...

Hello my bendy friend,
It sounds like you're having a blast over there. Stupid reality.

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way (with sunshine and lollipops too!).

As Churchill once said "If you're going through hell,keep going".

Keep your chin up, you're a strong girl. And yes, you're more than allowed to have a good cry with a big bowl of ice cream.

Big hugs,

BubbleGirl said...

I was attacked by a speeding floor. Dislocated Left shoulder, hip, knee, ankle, foot bone, and 3 ribs. Dislocated right hip. I don't want anymore Tuesdays, either

elise said...

Hi beautiful,

I wish you were in the US yesterday. National holiday - therefore no Monday. Would have given you more time to rest and to spend with Grampa (of course he would have to be here too).

You were not being selfish by spreading information through your family. You might be helping someone get a long-overdue or early diagnosis.

I'm glad that the twitching has calmed but not happy to hear that the pain is worse. Any more info on why this is happening? I'm on clonazepam but it mellows me into a mushy pile of mental and physical goo. You have an interesting reaction to it (duh, this is EDS afterall!). It helps me with my anxiety attacks and with sleeping, but I need other stuff for depression.

I hope they (crazy MDs) figure out what is going on very soon!!! I'd be super stressed out and "leaky-eyed" too.

Sending you cyber hugs of healing energy - no big squishy hugs for you, my beautiful bubble girl!


About Tonja said...

Saying some prayers for you and your grandpa.

You are not being selfish!

Taking care of yourself has to be a priority. Have no guilt about that!

Glasses.. well I have been "fixing/hacking" stuff lately with this www.sugru.com stuff. I just got it. You order it from England. I got mine last week and have fixed a bird feeder perch, a hanger, a barrette, the feet on my computer.. I am sure it will fix your glasses until you can get some new ones!

Just sharing.

I wonder if we couldn't use this to fix our connective tissues?? Maybe we should have them test that out!! =)

Just know you are being thought of and prayed for! Blessings, Tonja

BubbleGirl said...

Thank you all for your comments and support.

I've just learned that my Grampa has been given a private room, and is in palliative care, as his kidneys are shutting down. It's looking like this will not be a good week for my family.

BubbleGirl said...

I got the call this morning, my Grampa passed away.