Tuesday, August 24, 2010

FInally... A Win!

I had a doctor's appointment today.

The result?

I now have a doctor. Mine. The one who originally sent me to get diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos, instead of calling me crazy. The one who finally insisted that my tonsils need to come out, after endless doctors told me it was best to treat the tonsillitis with antibiotics for 4 years... The ONLY doctor who ever listened to me BEFORE I was diagnosed with EDS.

*Happy Dance*

I finally have MY doctor back!

He's already in the process of gathering all my medical files... The ones from our old small town clinic... The ones from the walk-in place I've been going to for the last 5 years... The ones from the hospital, and neurologist... And he's going to go over everything, and hopefully prove once again that he is smarter than the average GP.

I am so happy to have a doctor who won't put me down, or brush me off again.


Didn't get to go mountain climbing this weekend either. There are a lot of forest fires in B.C. and they are blowing smoke into my city, and I can only assume it would be worse in the mountains. I was having enough problems breathing just sitting in my house that I didn't want to risk an asthma attack by going out in it. But it looks like the weather should be favorable to go this weekend.

Other than that, I really don't have much to update. Still in lots of pain. Still twitchy. Still dislocating everything for no reason... But YAY DOCTOR! *Happy Dance*

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I had a dream last night.

I had been involved in a freak accident, and it was necessary to amputate my left arm and my left leg at the knee. I went through an entire post-healing week. So I've lost the limbs, and I have a prosthetic leg, and I'm walking with a cane. I went clothes shopping, and hiking, and to work, and mountain climbing. It was really strange.

It felt so real. Certain things were very difficult like tying shoes and getting dressed (putting on a bra one-handed is not fun!) Other things were impossible, like crocheting, or putting my hair in a ponytail.

The absolute worst thing though? Even without my arm, I was still dislocating my shoulder every 5 minutes...

I had a wonderful rest! *insert sarcastic eye-roll here*

Friday, August 13, 2010

It's Bad Again...

Twitchy all the time. Not "flappy" yet. I'm not trying to fly away. But it feels like it's going to come soon. Perhaps even today.

Can't sleep past 4am.

2 days this week, the lovely roommate's psychotic cat has been standing outside the bedroom door screaming for attention at FOUR IN THE MORNING. The cat is only psychotic when the roommate is away, which includes the last 2 weeks. He is driving me insane. So after 2 days of being woken up by a cat at 4am, and one day of being woken up because I REALLY HAD TO PEE at 4am, my body must think this is now the time we get up in the morning.

All the twitching means I've severely dislocated my shoulder, collar bone, and upper ribs; which in turn means I have been in LOTS of pain; which then means I can't get comfortable enough to sleep until I've been in bed for a few hours... Horrible cycle.

I feel like cutting off my left arm. It just hurts so bad. All. The. Time.

I've also been choking a lot lately. It almost feels like my larynx is moving, causing me to choke and gag. It's unpleasant to say the least. It's also made worse by the twitching, because it tends to cause me to look very far to my right, very quickly.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Something's Wrong...

Only problem? I don't know what it is.

I've been told over the past week that I "look sad" and I've been asked "what's wrong?" so many times I want to hit something...

But I can't think of anything which would put me into that kind of mood.

Emotionally, I feel fine.

Physically, I'm exhausted. As in, I haven't been sleeping (2-3 hours a night total), and I've been in extraordinary amounts of pain.

Psychologically, I think I'm fine. I'm a bit more easily irritated than usual, but that's explained away by the lack of sleep, and increased pain.

I'm starting to twitch more again. Not nearly as bad as it was before, but still unpleasant. I haven't started falling again, which is good. I'm not sure if it's because I'm REALLY paying attention to what my body's doing, or if the falling was a part of the medication-induced symptoms.

I crocheted a blanket on the weekend. Yay for productivity!

I had a conversation with my mom about mountain climbing, and I told her all about the part in the ice caves I've never been able to get past before. Then I said something really smart: "The difference between youthful enthusiasm, and adult-type determination is all in the mind-set. It's the difference between thinking 'I can't' and knowing that I can, but 'I won't' because I know what it will cost me. "