I've been experiencing everything to the extreme lately. I'm either in so much pain that I can't leave the couch, except to lay on the floor to realign my spine; or I've got so much energy, and my pain is so low (2-3) that I can actually go out and accomplish things (that was just the one day though).
The problem with the latter is that I end up doing too much, washing the dishes, making supper, going out to the mall, and wandering around looking for long-sleeve t-shirts, going to Canadian Tire, and Wal-Mart looking for windshield wipers, going grocery shopping.
I feel it the next day, and I have to just lay still. Not moving. Until the cat comes and lays on my ribs, pushing them into a "normal for most people" position. But that happens slowly enough, with the constant weight and heat that I don't notice it until I sit up. That's when the screaming pain starts up again, and the evil clowns once more try making balloon animals of my spine.
My knees are bruised. I still fall. On my good, productive day, I was standing in line to pay for my groceries, and I fell. It would have been comical if not for the concern on the faces of those around me.
I went to a bar recently, walking with my cane. I went out for several smokes throughout the night. People stepped so far out of my way. Every time I went out. They apologized for being in my way. They weren't. It was almost like they were apologizing for existing, it was said so many times. I felt horrible. I was ready to hit people with my cane by the end of the night. "Stop saying you're sorry!!!" as I whack them over the head. "It's not your fault I can't walk normally" as I hit them again... "Stop. STOP. STOP!!!" Maybe that's an odd way to feel, but it really grates on my nerves when people apologize like that, for things they have no control over. I could understand apologizing if they'd run into me, or accidentally kicked my cane out from under me, but not for standing, or walking, well out of my way. I'm prepared to get out of YOUR way. I'm the one with cane. I should be the one to change MY path. That's the way it works.
Wallowing In It
1 week ago