Since I've stopped the medication, I've noticed a marked decrease in stability, as well as a miraculous increase in stability... Confused yet?
While I was on the pills, I noticed that my joints were more stable... as in they weren't dislocating as frequently.
When it got bad, and I was in the hospital, I had truncal instability, as well as a lot of "shimmying." It was horrible, but I wasn't dislocating anything... I just couldn't stand still, or stand straight... No balance, relearning how to walk with every step, etc.
When I was first off the pills, I still wasn't dislocating like I usually do, and the twitching wasn't so bad, but the longer I'm off them the worse the twitching gets, and the more unstable my joints are... I'm dislocating everything all the time again. Add the dislocations to the once-again-violent twitching, and I'm in a world of pain.
I don't know what's worse...
Not being able to walk, while keeping my joints in place, and having pain levels around 3-4 out of 10... Or being able to walk, while continuously dislocating everything, with my pain around 6-7 out of 10.
I just want to move only when I want to. And only in the direction I intend to move in... Without dislocating things... Not being in pain would be nice too.
I hate how the choices are between bad and different bad...
Right now my hips hurt so much... It feels like someone hit me with a sledgehammer... They keep subluxing. And my shoulders keep dislocating from the twitching, and I still have no balance... But I know where my feet are, and apparently that's enough.
I'm miserable... Like depressed-miserable... I just want to curl up in a hole.
Upon further thought, another thing I prefer about drug-induced truncal ataxia is the fact that it's predictable; I knew I was going to have to teach myself how to walk every time I stood up, I knew I would not be able to stand still... Whereas the twitching comes and goes... I can be fine for up to a couple of hours, and then BAM! I'll throw a glass of water across the room... Or hit myself hard enough in the face with a file/stapler/ruler/pen/coffee cup/phone at work that I dislocate my jaw...
A Visit From a Dog
1 day ago