Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What Does Pain Look Like?

Can you see the searing, pulsing flames as they lick slowly across my chest, burning hotter as they reach my shoulder and linger?

Can you see the color of the glass shards as they slowly wear away at the soft tissue of my hip?

Can you see the sharp knives cutting into my ribs, stealing my breath as I walk?

Can you see the waves of pain crashing down upon me, suffocating in their weight, taking all my energy just to keep from drowning?

I can.

They are all reflected in the single tear falling slowly, silently, down my cheek, as I hide my face from you.


Achelois said...

Oh BG I am so sorry. I too know this pain. I just wish you didn't have to endure it. Thinking of you.
Gentle very very gentle hug.

because it all matters said...

::soft hugs:: It's impossible to describe pain to someone who hasn't had it sitting on their shoulders for so long. I find I just don't talk about it anymore. Unless I'm asked, I don't volunteer it. When I am asked, I usually lie. How would anybody else know?

You said so much in so few words and it touches the hearts of those who know exactly what you mean, know exactly what you feel emotionally.

I was wondering if I might take this and put it on my tumblr for a bit of backward inspiration. I don't have people following my tumblr; much like my blogger, I don't even announce that it exists. It's for me alone, and those who find it, well, they found it because we're all alike in some ways. I'd like to put this on my dashboard in tumblr as a quote (with you credited as the voice behind it, either as Bubble Girl or whatever else you might prefer). Things like this have to be put out there before the other things, the more positive can come along and squash them, letting us have our good days.

BG, you're beautiful. And I wish you a pain free, "normal" day just as soon as it can possibly reach you.

BubbleGirl said...

I used to write a lot of poetry, and I was feeling really horrible the day I wrote this. I just wanted to express how much pain I'm in before it becomes "visible" to people. If I shed even one tear from physical pain, it's really bad. It takes an 8 or 9 before I cry... People don't understand that when I wince, it's a 6, if I flinch it's a 7, and so on...

Feel free to quote this wherever you want. On here I'm known as BubbleGirl, so that's a good enough name to use to quote me. One of these days I'll "out" myself, and put up my real name, but I'm just not there yet.

Thanks for the gentle hugs! And the kind words. They help.

because it all matters said...

Yeah, I write fiction, but there's more times than not when I do a little personal therapy by way of just writing it out into a character.

Pain is subjective, and so very different for everyone. But knowing that your 5 is more like other peoples' 10, and knowing that you feel it so much that you just can't spend all that time voicing it.....yeah, bottling it all up sucks, especially when people don't realize you're going through so much (I get internally pissy at work sometimes for that reason, everyone hurts after working 12 hours, but not everyone daydreams of going home to take something for anxiety because the pain has pushed you to the point that it's manifested emotionally too. And I know that I'm likely the only one on my team who feels like that and I'm just about the youngest one there....)

I'll credit you as BubbleGirl when I repost that on tumblr later on, because everyone deserves credit for everything they do, especially great things like putting hard feelings and emotions into words.

Feel well. And have the best day you can have!!!

Maru Uni said...

Pain. I am so used to it that I forget other people don't have to live with it. I try to think of it as more of a signal. Just nerve signals. But that can only go so far.