Change

I commented on a friend's facebook status the other day, and he was online at the time, and we started IMing. He is currently out travelling the world, and he's been practically everywhere. I have only seen him once or twice since high school, which ended about 5 and a half years ago. It made me realise that the most changes I've been through with EDS, and the most injuries, and the most disabling aspects have all come SINCE then. I realised that this friend of mine, who used to be one of my closest friends, really doesn't know me at all anymore. He was shocked when he found out that I'm disabled. He was shocked to find out about all of my medical mysteries, and the lack of care I'm receiving. Back in high school, I only really had daily issues with my left shoulder, and various sprains (along with being very klutzy, and having no sense of balance). Now I am having daily issues with both shoulders, both hips, hands, wrists, ribs, neck, spine, etc. It shocked ME to realise I had changed so much in such a relatively short amount of time. I live with me every day, so I adjust slowly to most things when they creep up.

I'm not the same person as I was back then. Not even close. I am definitely more vocal when things seem to be unfair, for myself or those around me. If I see someone who needs help that I am able to give, I will help to the extent of my ability. I find I've grown more compassionate, and less tolerant. I will NOT tolerate abuse of any kind toward anybody with a disability. I am cautious when offering aid to those with visible disabilities. I understand now, that even though we may look like we need help, the most helpful thing sometimes can be to allow us a sense of accomplishment, to know that we are able to do something, even though it may be difficult. I listen more. If I offer assistance, and it is turned down, I will not push.

I have more patience now. I know that not everything can be done RIGHT! NOW! DAMMIT! Just because we may wish it to be.

I think I've finally found my silver lining when it comes to EDS. Even though I'm physically a lot worse off than I was before I had all these symptoms and problems, I am intellectually, and emotionally a much better person for it.

And just in case I don't post again before the 25th: Happy Christmas to those of you who celebrate, and have a nice December 25th anyway, if you don't.

100th Post

For my 100th post, I had long ago planned to do something special.

Life is just too stressful for that right now though.

This week has been pretty bad. On Tuesday, we were short-staffed, and I had to do double my usual work. Right before lunch, my left hip and my right knee decided to give out at the same time, causing me to fall and land on my left elbow, dislocating my shoulder and stretching all the muscles in my lower back. The pain was a 9 on my scale, and I was shuffling like a mummy, and wincing every time I moved, with tears welling up constantly until I took some "emergency stash" painkillers, which fuzzed my brain, and brought the pain down to about a 5.

Wednesday, I dislocated my left hip, and it's still not back where it should be, and it's too icy outside to use my cane. I also developed laryngitis on Wednesday. Ooh, AND I stabbed myself in the eye with the corner of an envelope. That's what I get for trying to open the mail when I'm twitching like a drug addict...

Thursday I woke up in horrendous pain, with a dislocated right shoulder and elbow. While I was at work, I got yelled at because I reminded my boss of what he said he'd do 3 days earlier, which was contradictory to what he was saying right before he yelled at me. I started to cry, and left the office. He followed me, yelled at me some more, and told me that if I couldn't handle the stress of working here, then maybe it's not the job for me. This sounded very much like he was about to fire me. I was ready to scream at him that if I lose THIS job, I'm not going to find another job that I am able to do (nobody else will hire me with the foreknowledge that I will constantly be injuring myself), and that my husband and I will be homeless by January. 

Welcome to my pity party... We have cookies.

Just looked at my post list... I'm at 98 posts, but my post counter said I had 99 right before I clicked on "New Post" and wrote this one. So... Maybe I'll have a super spiffy 100th post next time, when I actually reach 100 posts... Honestly don't know why it lied to me...