Holy Christmas Time Batman!

I've been ridiculously busy crocheting Christmas presents. The weather here has been horrendous... And I feel as though my body will quit on me at any moment.

Christmas presents: I've gotten about 2/3 through my list, and that includes all of the major ones... I've finished all of the pieces of my brother's sweater, I just have to sew it together now. And I think I may have added 5 more people, plus 2 gift exchange presents to my list of stuff to do. There's FOURTEEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS, AM I INSANE!?!?!?!?

The weather is making me extraordinarily busy at work, as well as increasing my achy pains everywhere. It's getting quite difficult to have any kind of restful sleep. Last night I slept for 4 hours, and woke up with minimal pain (and minimal energy). The night before I slept for 8-9 hours, without moving, and woke up with numerous dislocations (lots of energy upon waking, which was quickly sapped away due to the pain). I have to find the sweet spot again, the one where I get enough sleep without waking up in pieces. It's a difficult balance.

Speaking of dislocations, my hands and ribs are getting worse, and my ankle is still struggling to remain intact inside my brace. I would really like to be able to wear my winter boots, but it's an either/or with the brace.

I've also been randomly depressed the last couple of weeks, I just feel like I need to cry, and I honestly can't find a reason for it.

Don't know if I'll be able to post again before Christmas with all the projects that need finishing... I haven't even made it to the chiropractor in over a month...

Odd

I didn't shed a single tear on the third anniversary of my father's death. It's been a while since I've cried for him. I don't know if this means I've finally reached acceptance, or if it just means I'm getting better at bottling my emotions. I can often feel the tears well up when I think of my dad. I can't watch a movie or t.v. show that has any father/daughter issues, or the death of a father without tears welling up. The tears don't spill over though. They don't run down my cheeks, or off the tip of my nose any more.

I can't remember his voice.


In other news...
I started crocheting my brother's sweater again... Twice... The first sweater I made was too small, so I switched to a bigger crochet hook, and went up a pattern size. That one turned out way too big for my brother... But it should fit my husband. Then I started another one with the bigger crochet hook, and the first pattern size I used. It looks like it should fit nicely.

I also made my gramma a poncho. It's charcoal colored chenille. It's so SOFT! And WARM!

And I made my sister's hat. It's purple, and pink, and FUZZY!

Oh, and I fell down on the weekend... My hubby smacked my ass, knocked me off balance, and I just crumpled to the floor. I wasn't wearing my ankle brace, so I re-stretched my still-not-healed tendons. That was fun...

Happy _______Day???

Happy Birthday Grampa!

Not so happy death day Dad :(

Three years ago today my father passed away while on vacation. He went peacefully in his sleep. It was his father's birthday.

Since then I've lost so many people.

It hurts.

Today will be a day to reflect on life, and death, and family.

Pain Sucks

I know, I know, "That's not news," you will tell me, "we all know that."

But yesterday was beyond words. On top of everything I'm about to tell you, yesterday felt like my body had Alzheimer's... My feet forgot how to walk, my hands forgot how to write, print and type, and my tongue forgot how to speak...

I finally finished my brother's sweater that I was making him for his birthday (originally) and that didn't work, so I thought I'd give it to him for Christmas... but... It's too small, and I have to start again (the way it's constructed is not conducive to alterations after the fact) . So yesterday... I went shopping for more yarn to add to my mountain and hill of yarn, that continue to grow in my living room. And as I was walking my ankle had one of those horrendous *CRUNCH* moments, and I almost screamed. Off I toddled to the nearest seat, tore off my shoe, gingerly removed my brace, poked around a bit, then gently (and with a lot of force) tied my brace back on tightly enough that my toes started losing feeling. Then I was on my way again.

Once I got home, I quickly put all of my things "away" (haphazardly threw them onto any available surface) then curled into the fetal position, and didn't move for 2 hours. After that I was on my way outside for a smoke and three steps toward the door had me almost in tears from the pain. I went back the three steps I had already taken, and grabbed my emergency medicine, so I could smoke some of that too. After my self medication I was finally able to concentrate on something other than the pain, and after a while I went to bed. You know what fish do, when they're out of water? Lots of flopping? That was me until 3am 'cuz I was still in too much pain to get comfortable enough to sleep (and my emergency pain medication usually knocks me out pretty well). Then I got up at 6am, and went to work... Grrr...

At work, writing, which I do a LOT of EVERY DAY... I bent my index finger knuckle really far the wrong direction. I need some ring splints... Lots of them. Soon. I still can't use my index finger, and my ring finger on the other hand seems to think sympathy pain is a good thing...

After work today I get to do the whole process again, because I couldn't find enough of the yarn I needed last night...

...Oh, and I broke my husband... I feel REALLY bad about it :(

Good News, Bad News

So the good news... Life has been relatively uneventful.

Which is also the bad news, because I have nothing to post about.

Well... I could talk about the wonderful world of PROPRIOCEPTION. That would be fun, right?

So basic overview... Proprioception is the inner sense of where your various body parts are in relation to each other. When you're pulled over by police, and they do a field sobriety test, proprioception is what allows you to touch your nose with your eyes closed.

In people with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, proprioception is permanently impaired to different degrees (presumably in relation to the severity of EDS). When a limb moves beyond the normal range of motion (eg: dislocation, subluxation, or increased flexibility) it is easy to lose a sense of where the limb is in relation to the body.

My proprioception seems to be getting worse, especially in relation to my hands, as my joints become more and more unstable. Last week I dislocated the same finger twice while stapling files at work. I have a hard time grasping my coffee cup: it feels like I'm going to drop it when I pick it up, so I have to pick it up with both hands a lot of the time. While typing, I've always had to look at the keyboard, but I have been making increasingly more typing (not spelling) errors lately, because I can't seem to feel if I've hit the key or not. --Just in that last sentence I had to retype the same word 5 times.-- I also have been having issues writing, because I can't seem to grip a pen or pencil tightly enough. I find cursive to be easier than printing when my hands are being mean.

I have always paid more attention to where I'm putting my feet than most people I know. I've gone for hikes (many years ago, when my joints still worked), and not noticed a single detail about the scenery until we got to our destination, because I've been looking at my feet the whole way. This makes getting lost significantly easier, because I've been paying attention only to what's below me.

I have more good news! My nephew that gave me swine flu is healthy again. He wasn't sick for very long, and it hit him like a normal flu. His mom didn't get sick... And both of them had their swine flu shots the day before my nephew started showing symptoms (so he already had it before he got the shot).

Drumroll Please...

It wasn't that bad.

You hear that?

H1N1 IS NOT THAT BAD.

I've been sicker, for longer periods of time, with exceptionally less-talked-about illnesses.

Food poisoning at grade 5 camp? Way worse than this.

The flu I caught when I was 9? Way worse... Normal seasonal strain, fever of +105F.

This one differs from the rest in that there's more chest involvement. Like a bad chest cold with a side of flu.

I would advise (not medical advice, just personal experience advice) normal/healthy people to just suck it up and go without the flu shot. Unless you are in the high risk group, or are in contact with high risk people, or have pre-existing breathing issues (asthma/bronchitis etc.), I would say H1N1 is a lot less bad than the media would have you believe.

I Survived H1N1 2009!

For anyone out there keeping track, I caught it from my 10 month old nephew. He was the last little kid I visited that weekend, so I didn't pass it on to the other 2 kids, YAY ME! My nephew was just really snotty (like running out both nostrils faster than you could wipe it off) and he seems to be on the mend now. He had a fever and a cough, and the fever's down. His mom is pregnant (due in January) and she doesn't seem to be getting sick, so that's a good thing. She is in 2 high risk groups. She's pregnant, and she has chronic bronchitis, so think healthy thoughts in her direction!

Swine Flu 1976 Propaganda

Swine Flu 1976 & Propaganda
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